Returned from a short break for woodland vacationing. It’s nice to not have the pressure of updating every day, I have to admit.
I feel like I have SO MUCH to write about, but this is not really the best forum for it all. Maybe someday, or not. Watch Your Step is a good thought to keep in mind. Choose the path wisely and watch for loose rocks or broken stairs. Mind the clearance above and don’t bump your head. Which tends to not be a problem for a #shortperson like myself.
But still, watching your step all the time leads to being over-cautious and not taking risks. And I think I’ve established in the past entries here that I think taking some risk in life is a good thing. That doesn’t mean that you don’t feel some fear while putting yourself out there though. Every risk has the chance to end in some physical or emotional pain. Sometimes it’s “a learning experience” and ends up becoming a good thing, either quickly or in the long run. Other times it adds to the pile of unresolved issues within one’s psyche and leads to even more tentative steps.
Right now, I feel like I’m simultaneously sprinting, with long, confident strides interspersed with timid tiptoes. When you’re running through a field with abandon, you’re also crushing grass and insects and who-knows-what underneath every footstep. And the tiptoeing happens while you look up, waiting for the shoe to drop onto you.
I just deleted a bunch of stuff about self-sufficiency that was coming out weird and made me sound more conservative than I am, but it wasn’t supposed to be a political statement. Or an ableism statement. More than I, personally, like to be as self-sufficient as possible and I appreciate others who are as well, in their own various ways. I don’t know why this seems like a controversial statement to me, but maybe I’m just tired.
I hate that I can’t just ENJOY things sometimes and have to overthink them. There are a handful of things right now that seem like pleasant gifts if I look at them one way and cruel tricks/punishment if I look at them another way. I guess the answer is that I just have to keep doing what seems the most true to what I am and accept things as they fall, whether they are pleasant or shoes dropping down on top of me.