Dive

29 September 2014

Sometimes, you make ill-advised choices. Sometimes you say things and instantly regret them leaving the boundaries of your own mind. Sometimes you are thankful that, if nothing else, your ragged and weary mind at least picked an honorable target for your nonsense and it didn’t blow up in your face.

And then in the aftermath, you realize that maybe it wasn’t the worst thing you could have done. Why create more limbo when limbo and holding patterns and indecision are what weigh on you the most? You put an end to it. You forced the idea to play out, brought it outside and let it sit in the daylight.

Your silly ideagrape is now a shriveled idearaisin. And the raisin is sweeter and tougher for the experience. What an overwrought nonsense metaphor that doesn’t quite work…

Anyway, you cringe and try to grab the string of the balloon you just let loose in the wind and you don’t catch it and there it goes and it’s going to hit the wires and burn up, but someone who can reach it stops it and gently hands it back and maybe you can go back to making balloon animals and whoopie cushions again?

an old photo I took at my mom's. something about the implied faces and the word outletAddicts talk about hitting “rock bottom” and that sounds severe but perhaps we all have situations or varying urgency and importance where an action we took caused us to take stock and realize that we can’t keep up the status quo. And it’s never just ONE thing that really sets it off. It’s a snowflake that slowly rolls down a hill, forming a snowball, getting larger until the whole dang side of the mountain is collapsing in an avalanche. Or, maybe worse, encasing itself in ice.

And it’s not always something bad, either. I’ve always been someone who wanted to do Everything, but when I got sick and possible limits to the Everything were shown, that just made me want to do more and I’m probably a very different person than I was even three years ago. I’ll just collapse under my own avalanche, thank you very much. And I’ll like it, too. I think this is where I’m supposed to say #yolo or something?

It’s all worth it though. If you aren’t feeling emotions about your actions or pushing your boundaries or just simply trying to do something different and spend a moment reflecting on it, than what are you doing? I can’t just coast. I’ve got to try to pack it all in and accept that there may be a bump or a few avalanches and shriveled idearaisins along the way.

Collapsing under layers of metaphors. That’s enough!

Catch-all

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